Nate Bagley
was a guy who was sick of love stories. More often than not, he would
hear of relationships that were like fairy tales… or ones that ended in a
fireball of despair. He wanted to know the truth, not dramatizations.
So, he decided to take a big step and figure out this “love” thing. He quit his job and traveled the United States, looking for answers about love.
He described his incredible journey across the country in a Reddit AMA
(which stands for “ask me anything”). He interviewed over 100 couples,
collecting some of the most interesting data on relationships we have
ever come across. Not only did he approach people from all backgrounds,
but he also asked questions about all kinds of relationships.
“I was not prepared for the world that I was about to discover, or amazing stories I was about to be exposed to.
“I’ve interviewed gay couples, straight couples, rich
couples, poor couples, religious couples, atheist couples, couples who
have been together for a short time, and couples who have been together
for over 70 years. I’ve even interviewed couples in arranged marriages
and polygamous couples.”
Nate was able to complete his journey with the help of a Kickstarter. Now, he is hoping to put his interviews together in a documentary called The Lovumentary. A part of this potential documentary highlights the universal characteristics he found in the happy relationships:
Self Love
The happiest couples always consisted of two (sometimes more)
emotionally healthy and independently happy individuals. These people
practiced self-love. They treated themselves with the same type of care
that they treated their partner… or at least they tried to.
Emotionally healthy people know how to forgive, they are able to
acknowledge their part in any disagreement or conflict and take
responsibility for it. They are self-aware enough to be assertive, to
pull their weight, and to give love when it’s most difficult.
Commitment
After that emotional health came an unquestioning level of commitment.
The happiest couples knew that if shit got real, their significant other
wasn’t going to walk out on them. They knew that even if things got
hard – no, especially if things got hard – they were better off
together. The sum of the parts is greater than the whole.
Trust
Happy couples trust each other… and they have earned each others’ trust.
They don’t worry about the other person trying to undermine them or
sabotage them, because they’ve proven over and over again that they are
each other’s biggest advocate. That trust is built through actions, not
words. It’s day after day after day of fidelity, service, emotional
security, reliability.
Establish that foundation, and you’re in good shape.
Intentionality
This is the icing on the cake. There’s a difference between the couple
who drives through the rainstorm and the couple who pulls their car to
the side of the road to make out in the rain. (Yes, that’s a true
story.) There’s a difference between the couple who kisses for 10
seconds or longer when they say goodbye to each other rather than just
giving each other a peck… or nothing at all. There’s a difference
between the couples who encourage each other to pursue their personal
goals at the expense of their own discomfort or inconvenience… even if
it means their partner has to stage kiss another woman.
The couples who try on a daily basis to experience some sort
of meaningful connection, or create a fun memory are the couples who
shattered my perception of what was possible in a loving relationship.
Keeping your relationship a happy and mutually beneficial exchange
can be hard. Sometimes, we are burdened by how many choices there are
out there. However, the truth that Nate discovered is this: true love is
out there and it’s real. Relationships can last. To learn more about
Nate or his Lovumentary, visit his Twitter or Facebook page.
Source: Nate Bagley
